Sure, I swear

One and I threw a surprise party for a friend last night. It was amazing - he suspected nothing. He didn't realise we'd manage to wrangle his family there, and the look on his face when he realised we'd gone to all of this effort for him was the best thing ever.

I baked him a rainbow cake as his birthday cake, and took the remnants to work today, to make sure that One and I didn't eat all the leftovers ourselves. Of course my workmates fell on it like a flock of starving gannets - although we have the annual Anzac Day Anzac biscuit bakeoff next Thursday, so I may not be the undisputed queen of baking for very long after that competition (Is it strange that I'm a bit scared of competing, given how competitive I am? I guess it comes back to my old fear of failing...).

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I've started playing netball again, one night a week in a mixed social competition. I'm playing on a team with the same friend we had the surprise party for. There's no pretty way t o say it - our team is abysmal. We lost our latest game with a score of 45 to 2. Yes. 2. I fluked one  of our 2 goals - there was a reason that I was always stuck in defence in high school and it wasn't just because I was one of the taller girls on the team.

But. I am having fun, and definitely, definitely working out, and that's what it's all about, right?

I'm just not looking forward to the 9:40pm games, because usually I'm thinking about toddling off to bed right around then. 

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I had a phone call yesterday from the gyno's office. One's tests came back with exactly the same results as last time. 

We have an appointment on Monday to discuss our options and what we actually want to do now. We have to check exactly what our health insurance covers and doesn't - I don't really want any nasty surprises in relation to costs, especially when we're saving for a house as well. 

I just - I'm finding it hard today. One of my workmates told me that she needed to leave early because she had to go for her 12 week scan - "oh yes, I forgot to tell you, I'm pregnant" - oh, she didn't want to tell me earlier (when she told my boss and the other girl who works in our section) because she was worried about how I'd react.

I'm a pretty open person, I think, and so I've been honest at work about what One and I are going through (partly, I admit, for selfish reasons, because I get sick of the "oh, why haven't you had kids yet? You'd both make such great parents!" and telling people the truth is a great way to get them to stop and think about what they're saying), but I was, I suppose, disappointed that I'd made her think that she couldn't tell me such beautiful news. 

Yes, I'm upset, because I can't help but wonder what if would feel like, I can't help trying to put myself in that position, but I am able to put that aside and be present for her, share in her excitement - but it was killed a little for me today when I realised she'd made the decision of how I was supposed to feel for me.