thnks fr th mmrs

I"ve been pretty bad with my food lately. I don't mean in terms of eating chocolate every night or sitting down in front of the television with a bag of chips and emerging later to find only slightly salty fingers and a few crumbs right in the corners of the silver foil packets.

Randomly, I miss the packets that chips used to come in when I was a kid, the unlined, plain plastic packets that you could shrink in the oven. We used to attach them to our school bags.

No, I mean I've been bad with my food in terms of restriction.

I've been trying to lose weight since mid-May last year. In seven and a half months, I have lost 14 kilos. Except in the last four months, I have only lost about three. This is frustrating. Or, at least, I find it frustrating. Admittedly, I had kind of fallen off the wagon with regards to exercising most days and eating smaller portions before Christmas. But since then.

I have been to the gym / gone for a run / attended an hour of clinical Pilates for a total of at least five sessions a week (often more like 6 or 7), cut my portion sizes in half, and cut junk food out of my diet.

The end result? In a month, I have lost a kilo. And that was at the start of the month. At the moment, I'm wavering between 97.7 and 96.9 - it makes me want to scream.

What it's actually making me do is restrict my food. Tonight, my sister made a lamb salad for dinner. One served me a pretty small portion, but I still thought it was too much, and I tipped three quarters of it into his bowl. I ended up eating two 1 cm cubes of lamb, two tomato quarters, a few spinach leaves, two pieces of carrot and two 1 cm cubes of haloumi. This is not good, and it's not healthy. I've plotted out my daily calorie intake on CK and it's less than 1000 calories.

But I can't bring myself to eat more. I am so sick and tired of being fat, and nothing I am doing at the moment is seeming to have an effect.

This afternoon I had an appointment at the gym - they're writing up a new weights circuit for me, and I started swimming again for cardio on Saturday morning (managed to swim 1 km too, which I was pretty chuffed about). I just don't know why the weight is being stubborn and refusing to shift.